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"You don't become great by trying to be great. You become great by wanting to do something and then doing it so hard that you become great in the process" -xkcd

If the last few years, and the last few weeks, and the conversations I've had with my friends lately have taught me anything, it's this: Being a good person and deserving to be happy have no actual bearing on whether you are, in fact, happy. The world isn't fair and will not hand it to you just because you 'deserve' it. Happiness is a conscious  decision. It's a decision we have to make every day and chase after, and beat obstacles down to reach it. Happiness is something we fight for, not something that just happens.

I hope the people I have in my life realize this, and that they know what there is no bigger achievement than chasing after a dream with everything you've got. I have faith that someday, I WILL be happy, in every sense of the word and in every aspect of my life. Because the people I love and I, we don't only deserve to be happy, we're willing to fight our way there <3


Still alive~

and slightly surprised at it.

This winter I decided to escape reality by coming to visit one of my bestest friends in the world. So I flew out to Vegas to spend a couple of weeks with her an try to forget about everything for a bit longer... and then we crashed.

Yup. Car crash. Thankfully, we all walked away relatively intact. And by relatively I mean, in relation to possibly dying~ Ok so yes, maybe I am being a little dramatic. We skidded out of control, and if the car hadn't reacted exactly the way it was supposed to (airbags! etc,) it's likely that at least one of us wouldn't have just walked away. Thankfully though, everyone except the very awesome BumbleBee the car survived. Unfortunately, Bee is gone forever.
That said, the guy who was driving could have busted his knee pretty bad, but thankfully didn't. He has some nasty cuts/bruises where the seatbelt caught him, but he's a very tough guy! He's doing perfectly. I got some nasty bruises on my shoulder and hips, and I hit my butt (sacrum) on the impact. My bruises have cleared up, but my butt, mu butt! It still hurts :C BUTT BONE, WHY YOU BRUISE. Why you heal so slowly. it's pretty hilarious. My friend, who was practically passed out on the passenger seat, walked away without a scratch or aches. Apparently, drunks don't get hurt in car crashes. lol.

After that experience everything feels... a little different. For some reason I had this thought the day after the crash, while we were sitting in the living room joking about the night before, that maybe I was dead and this was all a dream. I know how ridiculous that sounds. Because realistically, if I was going to fabricate me a magical dream world where to live the rest of my life, I would have not kept the butt injury. So I am sticking with that logic and saying: this is real life. I survived. I am the luckiest person on this earth.

But there's more!! As of today, it's been about 10 days since the accident. This morning I noticed a weird feeling on my right hip, when I went to check it out, I noticed a bump. A bump. Next to where my hip bone would poke out if I was super fit. It's not really visible, but it's very 'feelable'. It doesn't hurt per-se, but I can feel it there. I have a feeling my hernia from 14ish years ago might be back. Anyone else got a differential diagnosis to offer up to me? Please, no scary shit. This week has been catastrophic enough! If my hurting butt and possible hernia (and unending recurring high intensity dry cough from hell) weren't enough, my friend has to get her gallbladder taken out :C I think she's very scared of going into surgery. I mean, I've gone under anesthesia a few times so I'm not scared of it, but she never has! I wish I could be with her for the whole process. I don't want her to be scared!

I don't even know where I'm going with this post anymore. It's like... on one hand a lot of crappy things have happened to my friend and I this week, and there is the looming possibility of surgery for both of us, but on the other hand, we're in freakin' Vegas, together, and more importantly, we're still alive. I'd say that we're pretty lucky.

This might be life's way of knocking my fear of going home out of me. Now all I wanna do is see my family.

I hope everyone's else's winters are being less... eventful? Or rather, I hope y'all are having a good time!! I know I'm gonna try and use my next week in Vegas to have fun and spend as much time with my friend as I can <3


10 years ago

I moved to the US for the first time. It was the first real BIG change in my life.
It's been such a long time, yet I remember exactly what I felt like all those years ago.
As I sit here and reflect on my recent obsessions with characters who go full-circle, my fear of never falling in love again, and the fact that I'm not sure where exactly I want my life to go, I realize...
This isn't where I pictured myself all those years ago, but maybe, for now, it's enough.
I've cultivated wonderful friendships and have never been more excited to get on with life and what comes next. I know maybe I'm getting my hopes up, but I really want to make something good happen.

10 years ago I didn't even fathom having control over my future. Today, I walk a path I didn't really think possible. 10 years from now? Well, when we get there, I'll let you know ;)

Public Service Announcement for the Heart

If there is anything I have learned this summer, it's that communication is the key to everything.
Well, everything in terms of inter-personal relationships. But isn't that what makes life worth living?
Because of the way I am and how well the people here know me, it's easy for me to hurt with a slip of the tongue. I hate when I do that. I never want to do it again. But the harsh truth is, I probably will. Next time I do that, I hope they will tell me.
That's the thing about me, I'm not psychic, but I love to overthink stuff. I may seem insentitive, but I'm hyper-sensitive myself.
After the last misunderstanding I went through, I'd like to ask anyone who reads this that if I ever hurt you with my words or my actions, tell me about it.
Sometimes it'll be serious stuff that I won't be willing to change, and in those cases, I would like to premature apologize for any butt-hurt feelings right off the bat, but no. I will not leave my principles or likes behind for you. But truth be told, most of the time it's the silliest shit. So people please. Don't let me walk all over your feelings.
Speak the fuck up.


High School of the Dead Review


So I’ve decided to keep up with this series. The manga has gone on a 1-year hiatus after chapter 27, and only 5 episodes of the anime are out thus far. It’s still unknown whether it’ll be a 13 or 24 episode anime, but either way, I’m game! Click cut for full review!


Black★Rock Shooter Review

so I finally watched the Black★Rock Shooter anime!

People are being so opinionated about it o.o; jeez. Overall, I really enjoyed it. I was already prepared for the moe-ness it had in store, so I guess that wasn’t too big of a disappointment. I should probably say: if you like K-ON, you might want to give this OVA a try for the “normal” part of it. I personally would have loved to see more of the Otherworld (and the action and wicked character design!) The story is pretty generic, the twists are predictable if you’ve watched enough anime but the take on the world and parallel Otherworld is REALLY appealing to me! I really hope this gets picked up for either a 12 episode or some other OVA’s (considering the epilogue, I don’t think this is too much to hope for, right?) I really hope the quality doesn’t decrease, since to me the animation is good, but if it loses any quality I will not be a happy camper >:(

It's a pretty decent anime. I might give it another watch, but it did not crawl up to my favorites, however, it's something I would like to see more of!

Hello Bernard (shiny new Macbook Pro!)

Long post is long!

So I finally decided to set-up my new computer and I have to admit, I'm a little intimidated by its 1920x1200 resolution ( ゚Д゚) right now i have it down to 1680x1050 (which is the max on my old comp and what I'm used to) but I can't wait to sketch on this new super high resolution that makes me squint my eyes to read (omg, am I getting old?!) Also, these new macs have some fancy features!! I am officially in looooooove with all the neat lil things the trackpad can do! Personal fave? THE PINCH FEATURE! YES. I love making my icons teeny-tiny small and HUGE in one motion! I'm sure I'll come to love the dash/slide one eventually, but I'm still getting used to the simple clicking tee hee. I dunno if I want to use the double tap or actually press down the trackpad, oh decisions!

Transferring my info was such a task though (`ー´)ugh. I couldn't get Apple Migration to work right, so I ended up setting up my computer like "brand new" (after having to wipe it clean a couple times after failed direct migration attempts) and then doing migration as a separate task after having it all set-up and software updated and stuff. Of course, that wrecked all sorts of havoc with my user accounts, so I had to go all root admin on my computer's ass but I finally have it all nice and setup! Migration did work beautifully when it came to transferring my applications (yay no re-install of ANYTHING!) and my settings (I was relieved when Firefox loaded with all my bookmarks in place... phew!⌒☆) and now I am dealing with MANUALLY moving all my music which has me a little frustrated because like 20 of my songs have SOME FXXING WRITING ERROR THAT MAKES THEM UNCOPY-ABLEヽ(o`皿′o)ノ so migration assistant refuses to even go near the music folder. It's just like "Um... nop." ASDFGH so annoying. At least my pictures folder is only like... 6.2GB. But seriously, just thinking about how I'm gonna do for itunes to magically get all my old playlists... *headesk* BUT IT WILL HAPPEN. Cuz I need character sketches to be done in less that 48 hours and I want to have this baby set up by then.

But really, overall I am SO HAPPY with this new baby <3 I have named him Bernard and he is all sleek and elegant and sexy. I mean, Rita was awesome and curvy and shiny, but she's really gotten kinda old... I had plans to get a new laptop last year, but I couldn't, and Rita held in there wonderfully for over a year! But baby, it's time. Bernard is now my working comp, and Rita will take care of less strenuous tasks like storage and entertainment. Originally I was gonna turn her into a PC, but I decided against it because, quite honestly, I just don't like PC interface that much, and i didn't want to neglect her for such a silly reason.

I'm now off to finish (manually) transferring my music/pictures :3 on the bright side, my sis made cookies!

(also, crossposting this on my tumblr because... why not? :P)


getting back up

asdfgh i dunno where to start really. I just know I feel better. As a family we're slowly picking ourselves back up, but between yesterday and today there have been some undeniably 'normal' moments. Conversations that don't mention death or the kids, running errands, my mom telling me I need to lose weight, people teasing me about how I make up words. Most importantly, I can laugh and not feel guilty. I wasn't expecting to get over that so soon, but man is it a relief.

So after getting over my very depressing "sleep all day and ignore the world" routine, I turned to refuge in all the things that make me happy (that don't remind me of igna) - basically, pokemon and super heroes! Jeez. It's a little ridiculous what a game and cartoons do for my overall mood and state of mind, but I don't care. I can smile again. And laugh. I even want to draw fanart of Hawkgirl! Things I love > misery.

I don't know if bouncing back this quickly makes me a horrible person, nor do I think I am completely over this. But hey, it's a start, and I like it. And I think it's time I stop thinking about this as a terrible tragedy and start looking at the good things that came out of it: unity, new friends, so much love, faith, etc. There is good in all the bad, granted, not always in equal measure. I would give anything to have my cousins back, but the harsh truth is, making myself miserable won't help anyone.

Pick yourself up, Sarita. Live your life.


Life has sucked lately. A lot.

I'm dealing with a big family tragedy, a death of a beloved cousin, and the aftermath of the crash that killed him. Just getting out of bed seems like an effort sometimes. I just want this all to go away.

I want my cousin back.

I want everyone to be better. I just wish I could make this all go away.

But of course, I can't. We're all doing all we can to hold on... but for me that means giving up a lot of my time, and dissociating a lot of my favorite pastimes (video games, anime, sushi) with my cousin. It just hurts right now.






ugghhh i suck so hard at this. Anyways. Real life hasn't been terribly kind to me lately, a couple of weeks ago i had the mother of all colds, and then this weekend I have been bombarded left and right with really bad news... *sigh* BUT IT DOES NOT MATTER. Anyways, I present for this make-up ALW 3 pages that took me forever! As well as two Dr Who crossover pages :)

WEEK SIETECollapse )

That's all for now I think. I don't feel comfortable promising an update by Thursday, even though I do have a project due on Wednesday that I can post up. BUT KNOWING ME...
*big sigh* also, I feel like I should point out... THIS WEEKEND SUCKS. It's been bad news after bad news after bad news, and I don't even have the strength to go get pancakes :C I want to go home, I want to go home NOW.